Kicking and Screening: A Multimedia Retrospective
A 90s Baby’s Journey Through Media That Helped Raise 'Em
Luckily, I was raised by a glowing screen. And you might think I’m crazy for saying that, but just hear me out.
I was basically an iPad kid before iPads were even a thing. Instead of a touchscreen, I had a Game Boy Advance permanently fused to my left hand, a PS2 Slim buzzing like an airplane about to take off (because my older brother stole my only memory card, and I couldn’t afford to turn it off), and a DVD of See Spot Run (2001) running on a loop until the disc finally tapped out.
I don’t remember the nineties despite being born there. January 1997, for the record. My real childhood was the early 2000s, a lawless era of burnt CDs, overpriced anti-viruses that never worked, video game adaptations for literally everything (and I mean everything), and the absolute peak of professional wrestling. I devoured video games, movies, books; literally whatever was within reach.
So, this is a random list of the multimedia moments that defined my childhood.
Let’s knock out the obvious ones first, the ones we all loved. These don’t make me different than any of you.
Tony Hawk’s Underground 2. Enough said.
The Simpsons. To me, the greatest piece of media to ever exist and the best depiction of the United States of America.
Tracy Chapman. Still my favorite vocalist of all time.
Discovering your first real drama masterpiece. Mine? Good Will Hunting (1997). Life-changing.
Holes. The book and the movie.
When Shania Twain said “Let’s go girls.”
Accelerated Reader point races, in class, with the boys. Thank you Bill Clinton.
WWE Smackdown vs Raw. The whole f’n series.
Choose Your Own Adventure books.
Eli Manning defeating Tom Brady in the Super Bowl. Not once, but twice. My favorite player to ever lace up the boots (even if they were often too loose).
Scooby-Doo & Scooby-Doo 2. Has there been a better live-action adaption yet? Nope, not even close.
Avoiding the kid in P.E. that’s showing everyone the Pain Olympics video.
New York Mets' first home game after 9/11. Just watch for yourself.
Shrek 2 > Shrek
The Disney Channel Games. It was like WWE Survivor Series but filled with tweens and future contract disputes.
Alright, let’s jump in!
Do you remember the back room at your local video rental store? Yeah, that back room. Oh, well, I don’t. Which is exactly why it’s the first addition.
Video Store Backrooms…WTF?
By the time I was old enough to even see inside one of these mysterious rooms, every video store in the state had already shut down. And by then, I knew exactly what was inside, which only raises more questions. Mainly, what the fuck?
I should clarify, I was a weird kid. Not in a “ran like Naruto” way, but I had a deep curiosity about who actually went into those rooms. I was obsessed with video stores. Still am. Though these days, they’re basically just Goodwill with dimmer lights and worse smells. But back then? They were everything.
We rented movies constantly, which meant always running into people we knew, that’s how small towns work. And I desperately wanted to catch one of my teachers making the walk of shame out of the back room. Not for any real reason; just because it would have been funny as hell (or “funny as hail” if you have a southern accent) to gossip about at school.
Instead, the only person I ever caught was Scary Harry, arms stacked with reverse cowgirl compilations. If you’re wondering why we call him that…just trust me.
Myspace.com
There were no rules, no algorithms, and no pressure to be “professional.” You logged in, blasted a daily, new Soulja Boy mixtape that auto-played way too loud, and rearranged your Top 8 like it was your own personal Supreme Court. And one thing is for sure, Tom deserved his spot on that bench.
MySpace was pure chaos in the best way. Your profile looked like a science experiment gone wrong: flashing GIFs, stolen CSS, and Gangster SpongeBob tiled across the background. Didn’t know how to code? No problem, you’d just copy and paste some CSS from a site with thirty pop-ups. And, now I’m fighting those same pop-ups on Buffstreams every NFL Sunday. How fitting.
Then Facebook showed up and ruined everything— no music, no customization, just boring status updates and Mark flicking the fact-checker switch up and down for no good reason.
The Got Milk? Campaign
If you were kicking in the late 1990s and early 2000s, you definitely saw Got Milk? advertisements. They were everywhere from billboards, to magazines, to TV commercials. Almost every celebrity, athlete, and cartoon character was rocking the milk mustache like it was a badge of honor. But why?
Got Milk? was a marketing campaign launched in the 1990s by the California Milk Processor Board to do one thing: make milk cool. And somehow, it worked…for a while. Now? I couldn’t tell you the last time I saw one. In fact, most of the people that donned the mustache are probably anti-dairy snobs today. Not me. Never.
I just miss when drinking milk was a power move.
Pirated Movie Discs EVERYWHERE
We all had a “plug”, and I was lucky enough to have one in the family. For years, that was the only way that I watched new releases. No rental fees, no due dates—just a blank DVD in a paper sleeve with HotTub TimeMach- written on it with faded Sharpie.
It took some adjusting when I finally stopped. Suddenly, movies felt too good. I wasn’t used to not hearing someone tossing popcorn next to the mic or getting up and walking in front of the camera mid-scene. At some point, that was just part of the experience for me.
Then the bootlegs vanished. Streaming took over, SoundCloud exploded, and suddenly, everyone had a mixtape. There was one dude, in my hometown, who used to slide his mixtapes into fast food bags at the drive-thru. He sucked. But, I fully respect that kind of grind.
Becoming a YouTuber (or Viner)
We all tried it, and if you didn’t you were lucky. Here’s one of my oldest digital footprints:
When Comedies Were Still Funny Comedies
Do you remember? Movies like, Tropic Thunder, Superbad, Napoleon Dynamite, Dodgeball, School of Rock, Scary Movie, Deuce Bigalow, Be Kind Rewind, Mean Girls, Super Troopers, Borat, Talladega Nights, Rat Race, Harold and Kumar, The Mask, Kicking and Screaming, Bad Santa, and more.
The thing with comedies today is that they’re almost impossible to make because everything moves too fast (and, Judd Apatow oversaturated the market at the worst possible time). What’s funny today feels dated tomorrow and studios are too afraid to take risks, which is completely understandable. Outside of stand-up, the only mainstream formula that still works is SNL, simply because they’re working with material from, like, two weeks ago. A lot of comedians talk about it, and while some claim comedy is dead, I certainly don’t think so. It’s coming back. I firmly believe that the Wayans Brothers are about to shock the world with the new Scary Movie. And honestly? It’s about time.
But there have been some great comedies in recent years: My Old Ass, Bo Burnham: Inside, Lisa Frankenstein, Jackass Forever, The Mitchells vs. the Machines, No Hard Feelings, Drive Away Dolls, and Snack Shack.
The World Came Together to Mourn Steve Irwin’s Tragic Death
There are certain moments where you remember exactly where you were when you heard the news. Steve Irwin’s death was one of them, for an entire generation.
On September 4, 2006, we lost the Crocodile Hunter, and it hit different. Steve Irwin wasn’t just some guy on TV, he was the world’s coolest uncle, really. He made us believe we could wrestle a gator one minute and hold a deadly snake the next. When the news broke that he died from a stingray, it just didn’t feel real. A stingray…really? Of all things?
For a moment, everyone was on the same page. No arguments, no debates, just pure sadness for some Australian guy that made the world feel a lot more fun.
If there’s one thing I know? Steve would’ve forgiven the stingray. Crikey!
Purple Place, Poptropica, YoVille, and more
Cheesy, low-effort computer games. I loved them!
Purble Place
If you ever touched a Windows PC in the 2000s, you played Purble Place.
Did you ever beat it? No.
Did you understand the rules? Nope.
But you absolutely sat there, matching cake layers like your life depended on it. Because, in that moment? It did.
Poptropica
If you weren’t grinding Poptropica in the school computer lounge, what were you even doing? It was like Club Penguin, but every island was its own side quest, and some of them were way harder than they had any right to be.
YoVille!
FarmVille meets The Sims, but slightly worse and way more chaotic. You’d spend hours decorating a virtual apartment, flexing rare furniture, and hustling at in-game jobs just to afford a new couch that’s bedazzled in neon-green tiger print.
But the real reason people played was for the social drama. Unlike Club Penguin, YoVille’s live interactions felt a little more… juicy. I can confidently say I had like fourteen girlfriends at a time on that app. Again: "I was a weird kid."
Also, I’m pretty sure YoVille was an early meeting ground for the furry fandom movement. Somehow, I dodged that bullet...or did I?
The Jimmy Neutron and Timmy Turner Crossover
My Favorite Jeff Hardy Swanton Bomb = ‘The Birthday Bomb’
My favorite professional wrestler is Jeff Hardy, and that will never change. I know about all of his issues, and I love him through it all. During the mid-to-late 2000s, he was arguably the best wrestler in the world, putting on matches unlike anyone else (except, maybe the ROH guys at the time).
For my 11th birthday, he pulled off one of his greatest Swanton Bombs ever. In January 2008, he climbed over thirty-feet and delivered his signature move on Randy Orton, defending his Intercontinental Championship. That was legitness.
Here is the full match. Skip to 6:00 for the epic swanton bomb:
Luckily, I was raised by a glowing screen. And, I wouldn’t change a thing.